Vardaesia Page 12

  “I had every right!” Alex screamed back, losing all of her remaining control. “You have no idea what was at stake! No idea what would have happened if Aven learned about the deception—no idea the risks Niyx took to keep acting like Aven’s loyal best friend, and the sacrifices he had to make.” Her voice was raw as she continued, “I did what I had to do to protect someone I loved so that he could help protect everyone I love— including you—and I will not apologise for it.”

  She swallowed back tears in the stunned silence that followed, and then whispered, “I can’t believe you would compare me to him. Everything he does is to hurt people; everything I do is to help them.” Her voice broke as she finished, “You of all people should know that by now.”

  Not even the remorseful wince that flashed across Jordan’s face could stop Alex from turning away and heading for the safety of her room. The pain inside her was unbearable; she couldn’t handle them seeing how upset she was. But more than that, she couldn’t handle hearing anything else, not when she was so close to breaking.

  She wanted to slam the door as she stepped through it, just as Jordan had done earlier that day, if only to release some of the emotion that was burning within her. But maturity won out and she closed it with a barely audible sound before moving straight to her bed, picking up a pillow, and screaming into it. The material muffled the horrible, aching noise, even when she continued on and on and on until she was lightheaded enough that she had to stop, her throat now raw. Only then did she realise she wasn’t alone.

  “I take it you had a good day, then?” Zaylin asked, her voice as dry as the desert beneath the clouds.

  A choked, mirthless laugh left Alex, but it quickly turned into a sob as the tears finally welled in her eyes and began spilling over. She didn’t care that she’d reacted to the Tia Auran’s words—all she cared about was the horrific fight she’d just had with one of her closest friends.

  Crumpling onto the edge of the bed, Alex leaned forward, her face in her hands as she cried her heart out in painful sobs and salty tears. She was too lost in her distress to notice when Zaylin sat beside her and started rubbing her back; all she knew was that once her crying finally subsided, the Tia Auran was still there offering comfort. Had Alex been in any other frame of mind, she would have wondered at the helper’s newfound compassion, given how Zaylin had so far treated her. But right now, Alex didn’t have it in her to question anything.

  Remaining silent, Zaylin helped Alex into her pyjamas before urging her into bed, tucking her in just as her mother used to do when she was younger. For the second time since arriving in Tia Auras, Alex was overwhelmed with longing for her parents, even just to have them hold her and tell her that everything would work out in the end. Because right now, she wasn’t so sure.

  With a reassuring squeeze of her arm, Zaylin whispered, “Sleep, Alex. Tomorrow is a new day. Your light will shine again.”

  And with a bright flash, Zaylin disappeared, leaving Alex lying alone in the darkness, exhausted from the emotional strain of her day but unable to quiet her mind enough to sleep.

  When not even a few minutes later the bed depressed in a familiar movement, Alex didn’t turn, she just remained curled on her side as Kaiden settled in at her back. He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her close, his strong, safe presence enveloping her.

  Tears slipped from her eyes at his tender action, at his understanding. And finally, held in the protective circle of his arms, she was able to calm her thoughts enough to drift off to sleep.

  A knock on Alex’s door in the middle of the night woke her.

  Her first thought was to wonder how she’d even fallen asleep around her turbulent emotions, but then she remembered the comfort offered by Kaiden—who was no longer lying beside her, having apparently climbed back to his room once he knew she was finally getting the rest she so needed.

  A deep surge of emotion welled within Alex as she thought of just how caring he’d been—and how caring he’d always been towards her, right from the very beginning. But she couldn’t enjoy the fluttery feeling because another short knock stole her attention, reminding her of what had awoken her.

  Her mind still fuzzy with sleep, Alex slid out of bed and stumbled gracelessly to the door, opening it without thought as to who she would find on the other side.

  She was unprepared, therefore, to see Jordan standing there.

  His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was a mess on top of his head, as if he’d been running his fingers through it over and over. But it was the look in his eyes that had Alex sucking in a swift breath.

  Eyes that, upon seeing her, welled with tears.

  “Alex,” he whispered, his voice raw. “I’m so—I’m so—” He made a painful noise in the back of his throat, his expression ravaged as he finally managed to choke out, “I’m so sorry.”

  He didn’t move—didn’t do anything other than look at her with sorrowful eyes, regret splashed clear across his features.

  Alex could read his guilt enough to see that he didn’t expect her to forgive him. Because of that, it was she who moved, unwilling to let him hate himself for what he’d said, as reprehensible as his words had been.

  Closing the distance between them, she wrapped her arms around him. His already taut body froze, but then his hands moved to circle her, his grip tightening with desperation. His body started shaking against hers as he released his grief and anger and fear, everything he’d been feeling over the course of the day—and longer. The same emotions Alex herself had been struggling to control.

  With tears starting up again—healing ones, this time, as her own heart began to mend—Alex held Jordan for long minutes until he heaved a breath and pulled back.

  Looking into her eyes, his expression was sincere as he said in a husky voice, “I didn’t mean what I said. None of it. I was just so—”

  “Shhh,” Alex interrupted. “I know you only said it because you were upset.”

  Jordan was shaking his head. “I didn’t even let you explain.”

  “It doesn’t matter now. You don’t need to apologise again— I’ve already forgiven you.”

  “I don’t deserve that. The things I said—”

  “That’s what family does, Jordan,” Alex cut in quietly. “We make mistakes. And we forgive each other.”

  Jordan closed his eyes, the remaining tension draining from his body as he drew her back into his arms for another shuddering hug. “You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. You know that, right?”

  His whispered words soothed the last of her hurt, leaving her feeling nothing but warm inside.

  “If you make me cry again, I’ll take back my forgiveness,” she told him, her voice hoarse as she battled a renewed surge of emotion.

  Her response prompted a light chuckle from him—the sound unimaginably wonderful to Alex’s ears—and he released her enough that she could see his eyes were no longer filled with tears, but instead clear and bright once more.

  “Do that, and you’ll just have to forgive me all over again,” Jordan said, amusement having overtaken his previously ravaged features. “Family, remember? I hear that’s what we do.”

  “I’m going to regret having said that, aren’t I?”

  Jordan chuckled again, then leaned in and pressed a brotherly kiss to her forehead.

  “Get some rest, Alex. We have another Gate to tackle in a few hours, and we’ll need our saviour in top form.”

  Alex rolled her eyes, hiding how pleased she was to hear his light-hearted tone devoid of any darkness. “Yeah, yeah. Maybe tomorrow someone else can take up the slack for a change. And besides, I’m pretty sure I don’t have any more memories juicy enough to satisfy our masses of adoring fans.”

  “It is creepy that they watch everything we do,” Jordan said. “It’s like we’re their daily source of entertainment. I wonder how they kept busy before we arrived?”

  “Probably by eating the souls of their children,” Alex said, straig
ht-faced.

  With a short bark of morbid laughter, Jordan said, “And on that note… I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “’Night, Jordan,” she whispered as he turned from her and strode back over to his room, nodding respectfully to the person watching them as he did so.

  Alex didn’t head back into her room straight away. Instead, she walked over to where Kaiden was leaning in his own doorway. She’d known he’d been there all along, and she appreciated that he’d remained silent, giving her and Jordan the chance to make up. But she was also grateful that he’d been ready and willing to step in, waiting for any sign that she’d needed him.

  Reaching his side, she hesitated only a second before tilting her head up to press her lips to his cheek. She didn’t say anything, letting her actions speak for themselves—offering her thanks for his silence, but more, for his earlier comfort. And as she turned away from him again, it was with tingling lips and the feeling of his smiling eyes trailing after her as she all but floated back into her room.

  Twelve

  Breakfast the next morning was a tense affair—for all of about a minute. As soon as everyone realised that Jordan and Alex had made up, all tension fled. Bear and D.C. were quick to offer their own apologies, but Alex hadn’t needed them, having already understood that their actions had been moved by loyalty. If anything, her easy forgiveness distressed them more, with D.C. needing to leave the table for a few minutes, only able to return after Alex hunted her down and endured her crying remorseful tears onto her shoulder. But once D.C. had sniffled her last, she, like the others, accepted that Alex just wanted to move on.

  It was over breakfast that Alex finally shared everything with them, offering a summary of how she and Niyx had turned from enemies to friends and the events that led to her reasons for wiping Jordan’s memory. Once her explanation was done, she felt exhausted—a bone-tired lethargy that had her again wondering if her immune system was still trying to fight some unknown illness. But without any other symptoms having presented themselves, she ultimately blamed her fatigue on her overtaxed emotions and renewed grief at having to speak about her departed friend. As such, she pushed her weariness aside to reassure Jordan, Bear and D.C. that all was forgiven, especially in the wake of them realising just how much pain they all would have been spared if they’d only allowed her to explain before casting judgement.

  “I’m an idiot,” Jordan said, shaking his head with self-reproach.

  “No arguments here,” came Kaiden’s instant reply as he spread some kind of fruity paste over a piece of toasted flatbread.

  Alex froze at his comment, her own pasted bread pausing half-raised to her mouth. While she had accepted everyone’s apologies, Kaiden clearly hadn’t forgiven Jordan as easily for hurting her. But then again, she had cried herself to sleep in his arms, so his protective behaviour was understandable. Regardless, she couldn’t help fearing his comment would raise hackles around the table and launch them all into a new round of verbal attacks.

  She needn’t have worried, however, because instead of lashing back, Jordan grinned. He looked knowingly from Kaiden to Alex before settling on Kaiden and saying, “Pretty sure you already told me that last night. My ears are still ringing from everything you yelled at me.”

  Frowning, Alex looked at them both in question, wondering what had transpired between them—and when.

  “Someone had to pull your head out of your ass,” Declan jumped in, speaking through a mouthful of food. “You could have been lost up there for days otherwise. Kaid did us all a favour.”

  A muffled laugh left Bear while D.C. tried to stifle her own mirth, both of them knowing first-hand how stubborn Jordan could be. But Alex wasn’t laughing with them, because she was too busy experiencing the same fluttery feeling as last night, realising that she had Kaiden to thank for more than just offering her physical comfort. If she understood correctly, he was the one who had prompted Jordan to apologise, and in doing so, reunited her with one of her closest friends—and therefore, all of them. The fact that all she’d offered in return was a kiss on the cheek was almost embarrassing. Or, it would have been, if she hadn’t seen just how pleased his smile had been afterwards.

  “Well, for what it’s worth,” Jordan continued, not even a little provoked by Declan’s words as he spoke directly to Kaiden, “thanks for having Alex’s back yesterday.” His grin widened into something more devious as he finished, “As far as approval goes, you’ve definitely earned it.”

  Alex nearly knocked over the chalice she was reaching for and had to scramble to keep it from spilling as she noted Bear and D.C. nodding, their smiles as wide as Jordan’s. Hearing Declan’s chuckle, Alex turned to him, but her attention was diverted as Kaiden lifted his juice and took a sip, his eyes dancing as he winked at her. Then, finished with his breakfast, he stood and left for his room, but not before brushing his fingers gently along Alex’s cheekbone as he passed by.

  Only then did Alex spear Jordan with a look, knowing his approval wasn’t referring to Kaiden’s protective support, but rather, he—as well as D.C. and Bear—had offered his official approval. As in, seal of approval.

  For Kaiden.

  And Alex.

  Together.

  Pulling a face, and hoping they couldn’t see the heat flooding her cheeks, Alex pushed back from the table and deadpanned, “You’re all hilarious.”

  Snickers met her comment, and Jordan even saluted her with his fork.

  “No point in fighting the inevitable,” Declan said. “You might as well stop trying.”

  Giving a rude gesture over her shoulder that only had them laughing louder, Alex stomped to her room, relieved that Kaiden had already left—even if his amused wink meant he’d known exactly what Jordan had been implying.

  “I hate my life,” Alex muttered as she sunk onto the safety of her bed, wanting to cocoon herself in the blankets and only emerge once she’d turned into a butterfly that could fly away.

  “Be that as it may, until you’re dead, you’ll just have to keep suffering through it,” Zaylin said primly, with Alex not having realised she was already in her room. “I’ve no doubt you’ll find a way, as resourceful as you’ve so far proved to be. For a mortal, at least.”

  The helper continued to move around, readying the outfit Alex was to wear that day, but Alex had frozen. And that was because, while Zaylin had spoken in Tia Auran, she’d still replied to Alex’s words.

  Calivere had said none of the helpers were able to understand the common tongue, but Zaylin had just proved otherwise. All along the Tia Auran had been able to understand Alex—just as all along Alex had been able to understand her.

  Alex wanted to laugh at the irony; both of them having been acting like they couldn’t understand the other. But even now, as much as she wanted to make Zaylin aware of their mutual deceit, Alex couldn’t risk doing so. It was one thing for Zaylin to know the common tongue, yet it was another entirely for Alex to know the language of the Tia Aurans—something she could only explain by revealing her vaeliana bond.

  Alex’s eyes widened and she sat up quickly, staring at her hand as another realisation hit her. The reason for her exhaustion of late—it wasn’t because she was battling an illness, nor was it caused by the physical strain and emotional rollercoaster of the last few days. Rather, it was because of her stifled vaeliana link and the ring she wore to hide her bond from the Tia Aurans.

  Athora had told her that the ring drew its energy straight from the wearer and that she would begin to feel its effects after a few days. It had now been four days since she’d left Medora— enough to explain her unnatural fatigue that not even laendra had been able to cure. Furthermore, Athora had warned that long-term wear could lead to significant weakening, possibly even death.

  While Alex didn’t think another few days would harm her drastically, now that she understood the origin of her lethargy, it was enough to put her on edge. All she wanted was to yank the ring off her finger and throw it across the r
oom, but with Zaylin there, it wasn’t an option.

  Instead, she shook aside her anxiety and allowed the Tia Auran to help her into her clothes, burying her smile when she saw that Zaylin had procured pants for her, as requested. That, coupled with the compassion she’d offered last night, made Alex soften significantly towards the helper, even if today she was back to her normal, ill-tempered self.

  Alex still had no idea why the woman had been so contemptuous upon her arrival, but at least Zaylin had warmed up—slightly—since then. She wasn’t sure what might have prompted the change, but whatever the reason, there was no denying that the Tia Auran had showed hints of humanity when it had mattered most, and for that, Alex was grateful.

  Soon dressed in a similar outfit to the one she’d worn while climbing the mountain—supple, leathery black pants and top, with comfortable yet sturdy boots—Alex re-joined her friends, their faces sombre as they waited to discover what was in store for them next.

  “After today, we’ll be halfway through,” Alex said, trying to inject some optimism into the group. “A few more days and we’ll be homeward bound.”

  Presuming they continued to pass the tasks, otherwise they’d be returning much sooner—something she refrained from adding.

  “Wonder if we’ll get that death, plague and tragedy option today?” Bear said, covering a yawn.

  Seeing yet more evidence that he wasn’t sleeping, Alex made a mental note to check in with him as soon as she could to find out how he was coping with… everything.

  Offering what she hoped was a sardonic grin to keep the atmosphere light, she replied, “I think I’d prefer any of those over another foray into my mind. As we’ve discovered, it’s a scary, scary place.”

  Thankfully, her friends chuckled rather than turning melancholy—or worse, offering more apologies. But before anyone could say more, they were flash-transported to the stadium.

  This time the stands were already full—fuller than full— when they arrived, the Tia Aurans screaming loudly enough that Alex winced and had to tone back her heightened hearing to non-Meyarin levels.